To Those I Love,

A Letter from the Heart

If I cannot come to see you, or to see you if you come to see me, know that it’s not personal; it’s never you.

If I try and I fail, it is better to be happy for me that I tried than to be sad or frustrated that I failed. Every attempt, no matter how far I get, is a step I am taking back to you.

If I am able to reach you physically yet cannot meet your eyes, speak, stay or seem to be comfortable in your company, it’s not personal; it’s never you.

If I try and I fail to be there emotionally, please try to remember that it is because my demons are taking my attention away from you and making me uncomfortable.

If I seem selfish in my behaviour, it is because I am trying so hard not to be selfish. I am trying to find myself and reclaim my mind from my demons so that I can be there, in mind and body, for you.

If I become so uncomfortable to the point my behaviour screams that I want to get away, know that it’s not because of you. Sometimes I have to leave in order to redeem myself and to protect you from feeling uncomfortable or from worrying about me quite as much. Sometimes I have to say to myself, “I’ve done all I can for now. I will try again another day.” I will come back to you. If not that day, then another day. read more →

“For around one in seven women the stresses and emotional changes that accompany their postnatal experiences can be intense and include strong depressive mood swings, anxiety, social withdrawal, irritability and loss of enjoyment in usual activities.”

Black Dog Institute

I had dreams of being a mother since I was a young girl. I was going to tenderly brush my child’s hair, bake cookies with them, take long walks to the park and just be unexplainably joyful with them in my arms.

Reality hit when my first child was born. After a long list of complications and a week in special care we brought him home. I was unable to walk properly after dislocating my hip during labour and I struggled to feed him due to the pain. My dreams of the perfect home coming with my baby were clouded by screaming, pain and exhaustion.

After a diagnosis of postnatal depression I started seeing a specialist who helped me with a range of strategies to move through this stage. I didn’t realise how bad things were until I started seeing the light. My gorgeous baby was making amazing progress and he was growing so quickly. I was so motivated to get support and started researching natural therapies to help me.

These are the main strategies that helped and continue to help me after also having postnatal depression with my second child. read more →