For years I have lived with the mindset of: ‘I must be tough and cold to survive in the world’. I frequently talked badly of my peers and became so used to being negative that it became unnatural to do anything else.
When I got to high school this intensified, as my fellow classmates projected their inner feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing onto others. At first I jumped on the bandwagon and just sort of did what I had to just to fit in.
However, as time went on I realised this wasn’t going to get me anywhere. My friends were a truly troubled group of people, all so insecure that they felt the need to ridicule others. I decided it was time to change. But in such a tough environment it’s hard to know what steps to take and unfortunately, I began to feel guilty for not being a better person. Cue a downward spiral into an eating disorder that almost cost me my life.
My mother removed me from education and I started all over again elsewhere, in a different school. This was my chance to reinvent myself. So I was kind and loving and nothing else. I worked harder than anyone else and went from the bottom, right to the top [academically].
I became frustrated when I realised I wasn’t making any friends. It seemed the only way to fit in was to talk badly of others and I felt like I was back at square one. But this time I carried on. I pushed on and gave happiness to all, even those who didn’t accept me.
Eventually people starting noticing. Just the other day someone told me how truly lovely they think I am.
People say they have never met anyone like me.
I sit with a different group of people every day at lunch and socialise with all, while everyone else is locked inside their own circle.
Just know that your hard work will pay off. Stay humble and compassionate and do not judge. Remember that the bullies are not bad people – they are hurting too, whether they realise it or not.
Share your love with everyone and never give up. – Libby ❤